


I am...

by bintellectualmalec



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jake Peralta, Bisexual Rosa Diaz, Character Development, F/M, M/M, its 1:47 am and im writing my own damn headcanon, jake had a secret crush on terry don't lie to yourselves, pansexual gina linetti, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-11-16 21:55:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bintellectualmalec/pseuds/bintellectualmalec
Summary: Jake is lost in one way that he doesn't even know until he well, finds it.





	I am...

**Author's Note:**

> some of the things written will seem dated bc of the fact that they're supposed to be in time with when jake was in college so just roll with me kids

Jake wasn’t scared.

Jake Peralta did not get _scared._

He wanted to be a detective for God’s sake, fear could be what would break his career, so he learned to not fear guns, violence and most definitely not death.

Which is why it’s so confusing as to his hands get clammy and his heart races when Rosa asks him to come to an LGBTQ+ meeting with her.

He knew exactly who he was, without a doubt. He was a straight man, there was absolutely no questioning. I mean sure guys were somewhat attractive and his anatomy class’s T.A. Jamal was very nice to look at when Leirson’s lessons got too weary, and he did catch himself once or twice staring the guy who lives in the dorm across from him, Dave Majors ass, but _who doesn’t?_ C’mon Jake’s human, there’s nothing not straight about just, looking. It’s natural to want to anyway.

“Peralta. Are you coming or not? Gina can’t come this time and it’s weird going without her.” Rosa says after pinching his arm, “If I sit alone they’ll think it’s okay to ask me questions like ‘How’d you come out?’ and ‘Where are you on the spectrum?” and no one needs to know that much about me.”

Jake rubs over the sore spot on his arm and avoids her eyesight, “I don’t see why you have to ask me. I’m sure you have tons of friends who aren’t straight. Isn’t it kind of rude for me to show up anyway? It’s called The AbomiGaytion, which is very clever by the way, but it's also LGBTQ+ only and I don’t think they want the ‘A’ standing for ‘Ally’.” She rolls her eyes and stands up, looking at him expectedly, “If you go with me, I’ll help write your essay for Leirson. I know you don’t pay much attention in there, you were gonna ask me anyway.”

He looks at her up and down before responding, “Give me a dollar for the vending machine on the way there and you have a deal.” They shake on it and on the way there, Jake grabs an orange soda on the way there because for some odd reason his mouth has completely dried out before he even enters the room.

* * *

 

It’s two years later since Jake first came to the clubs meeting and he hasn’t stopped coming since. It’s something about the atmosphere that he loves. The openness, the ability to be an unapologetic version of yourself, which is something Jake has always prided himself on being but seeing these people be open in a world that’s never been anything but closed off to them and he finds it enthralling. He secretly has jealousy within him though, not in a spiteful way, but in a way of admiration, even with situations like Rosa and Gina; Gina had been his best friend since diapers and he and Rosa had been close, or as close as you can get with Rosa, since the first day of college and they are so forthcoming about their love for each other. It’s so rich and beautiful and it’s something thinks about almost every day when he sees them. He just wishes he knew why he didn’t feel as open as they did.

It’s the final day before senior graduation and the club throws a house party in honor of a lot of the main starters of the club leaving and because he’s what Mikey (The AbomiGaytion President) calls an ‘honorary member’, he’s invited as Rosa’s plus one.

Like any other college party, there’s mass amounts of drinking, drugs and sex, but it’s a little different because most of the room is making out with the same sex, including Rosa and Gina, leaving him nothing to do but well, _watch,_ and despite voyeurism always being a kink of his, he does feel a little out of place and intrusive as he watches all these other people be so into each other.  

“Someone looks a little lonely.” A guy says from behind and Jake turns around to see Jamal, the teacher assistant from his freshman anatomy class, holding a drink towards him, “Jake isn’t it?”

Jake smiles and takes in him in, dark skin and tall, bright eyes and dark hair, muscular but approachable and friendly (as well as attractive but that’s not something he feels like admitting.) He realizes that Jamal’s waiting for a response and he quickly speaks to hide the fact that he just totally checked him out, “Uhm yeah, the one and only. You’re Jamal from anatomy.” He smiles and Jake feels his hands get that same clammy feeling he got when he came to the first club meeting and he already knows he’s in trouble, “That would be me. Want a drink?” He extends his arm out for him to grab the beverage and Jake awkwardly smiles and takes a sip from it and winces, “Wanna sit outside?” Jamal suggest and Jake nods before he even finishes his statement because suddenly the room is too hot and Jake definitely needs a break.

* * *

 

Four drinks later and Jake is _hammered_ and his filter is gone and Jamal is obviously not doing any better. They sat down on the steps for what felt like hours, the conversation beginning with how difficult anatomy to be, to the inequalities of the judicial system when it comes to sentencing black men, especially when it comes to petty crimes, which is something Jamal knows a lot about and Jake opens himself to learning about it with welcome arms, and now the conversation is about Prop 8.

“I mean the sheer idea of Prop 8 is a load of fucking bullshit! How are you against something as beautiful and simple as love yet preach about having to ‘love thy neighbor’?” Jake yells out into the sky angrily and Jamal takes a gulp of his drink and nodding his head, “Exactly! Like our ‘lifestyle’ or whatever other bullshit name you wanna put on it, is not up for your discussion nor is it for your agreement. You can’t make a decision for a group of people without even including that group of people’s opinion, I mean what type of fuckery is this?” He replies and Jake shakes his head, “It’s unfair but it’ll get better, I’m not gonna stop fighting until it does.” Jamal smiles that stupid _cute_ smile and Jake can swear he can feel his pulse speed up.

He turns to look Jake in the eye and begins to speak, “You know its people like you that make me feel comfortable to live in world like this. It’s not easy being openly gay, especially not now, but with people like you, it gives me hope.” Jake smirks shyly like he always does when he’s genuinely appreciative, “Thanks Jamal.” He nods, “You’re a really good ally Jake.”

Jake doesn’t know why the word ‘ally’ stings.

It isn’t until Jake looks back up where he notices how close he and Jamal are sitting, thigh to thigh, with absolutely no space between them. It isn’t until Jake looks up that he sees how pretty Jamal’s eyes are and why he’s wondering why he’s even thinking that. It isn’t until Jake looks up that he notices how soft Jamal’s lips look and how badly he wants to taste them. It isn’t until Jake takes a shaky breath that he can feel how desperately Jake wants to be surrounded by Jamal with everything in him. It isn’t until Jake looks back into Jamal’s eyes that he sees that Jamal is feeling the exact same thing that he is.

Neither one of them can tell who moved first, all Jake knows is that he never wants to leave this position. Jamal’s hand immediately go for Jake’s hair and his reach out to the side of his face. The kiss is passionate in more than one way and it completely sucks the air out of Jake’s lungs. He feels like he’s been robbed of an experience, as if all this time there was an entire other side to the coin. And with the way Jamal is kissing him right now, Jake intends to get to know this other side _very_ thoroughly.

Jamal bites Jake’s lip and pulls and he whimpers quietly before Jamal moves down to kiss his neck and that’s when it finally clicks in his head that Jake is openly making out, in public, _with a guy_. Suddenly his mood does a complete shift to where he realizes not only did he just make out with a guy, but he enjoyed it and he’d want to do it again and that’s not Jake. Jake is a straight man and that’s the way it’s always been. His veins run cold and he starts to reluctantly push himself away from Jamal until he finally gets it and begins to back away from him.

Jake shakes his head and starts to dust off his jeans, mentally blocking out Jamal’s protest and he starts to shake slightly, “I’m sorry.” Is all Jake says before running as far away from the house as he can.

As soon as he gets back to his dorm, he ignores his roommates light complain, strips down and lays in bed.

Jake doesn’t sleep that night.

* * *

 

Jake doesn’t come back to an LGBTQ+ club meeting anymore after that and when he graduates he tries to completely suppresses the memory of Jamal and his makeout session (even though he still gets the same rush whenever it pops in his head). But Jake is a grown man now, having graduated college and the police academy, now working his way through the ranks as a police officer with Rosa, again, at his side.

He’s admittedly been more stressed lately, as he had been thinking about that incident more, trying to rationalize it out as a mistake and that it only happened because he was drunk, intentionally leaving out the fact that he had felt an attraction Jamal before drinking. The thing about that is, Rosa notices and she’s never been one to hide an issue or a problem she has with you, so it’s almost an immediate questioning.

“What’s going on Peralta? You’re acting weird.” She says as she pulls the cop car into their normal patrol area. Jake looks up and answers too quickly, “Nothing, I’m fine.” Rosa glares at him analytically, “I hate lying Peralta and you damn well know that. What’s your deal, I don’t have time for your, _emotions,_ while we’re trying to work.” Jake starts to shrink slightly and responds, “I’m really tired and I feel kinda stuck. Nothing serious though, I’ll get over it. Just a mental slump.” Rosa nods, “Well we’re going out tomorrow anyway. The AbomiGaytion is meeting up again for drinks for the first time since we graduated. A lot of the gang wants you there so I told them you’d come. So you’re coming.”

 _Jamal_.

“I don’t know about that Rosa, I need the money for the extra shift and I really don-“ He starts but Rosa cuts him off sharply with a hand movement. “ _You’re going._ You need to get your mind off whatever has been troubling you. Seriously, do it for yourself man. You made me get out once Gina and I broke up, I know it’s not the same but you still have got to get out of this.” This being one of Rosa’s most honest and caring moments, Jake can’t turn her down and he agrees and tries to prepare himself to see the guy he had turned his world upside down in nothing more than a few minutes.

* * *

 

Jake and Rosa walks into Shaw’s already sweating in way more places than one and as soon as he comes in, Gina slams herself into him, which his calms him down just the slightest. “Hey Gina.” She smiles back, “Calm it down with the pleasantries girl. Grab a drink and get to talking, the squad has missed you.” Rosa looks down at Gina and forces a smile and Gina physically tenses, “Hey Rosa.” The dark-haired girl stiffens up and replies, “You said it yourself, skip the pleasantries, I’m here to get drunk.” She pushes past the two of them, shifting them over and in doing that lines his eyesight up right with Jamal’s who just so happens to look up at the exact same time and it’s like a slow motion moment remembering their past and Jake can see Jamal swallow thickly from all the way across the room.

“Yo, you still breathing honey?” Gina says tapping his chest and he shakes his head and looks back down at her and fakes a smile, “Yeah I’m good. Ready to drink?” She scoffs, “I’m about 3 ahead of you in this race buddy.” He takes a breath of relief on the inside and prepares himself for the next at least hour of what he’s about to put himself through.

Mission: Avoid Jamal At All Costs.

* * *

 

The mission goes well until Brooklyn, a trans girl and one of the only people he still talked to after he left, spills some of her drink on his lap. “Oh shit, I’ll go get you a napkin or something.” Jake waves her off smiling and shaking the drink off his hands, “It’s cool B, I can go clean it off in the bathroom. Be right back.” Brooklyn continues to try and convince him to let her help but Jake eventually jokingly runs away from her and heads towards the bathroom.

He stands at the sink area, grabbing paper towels and water to try and scrub the drink off his jeans when he hears the door open and sees those same bright eyes that made his heart skip a beat all those years ago. “Need any help?” Jamal says softly, hesitantly walking towards him causing Jake to immediately walk back, “No I’m fine, I think I’m all clean too, see you later Jamal.” He spits out quickly and tries to leave out of the door, but is stopped by Jamal’s body standing over and in front of him. Jake can smell his cologne and he feels like a junior in college all over again. “Jake. Listen to me please.”

Jake backs up and straightens out his shirt, “Do I have a choice?” Jamal rolls his eyes and takes a step towards the shorter boy, “I’m not here to kiss you or even so much as flirt. I’m engaged.” Jake’s eyes go wide at the revelation and partially feels his heart drop, “Oh. Then what do you want from me? We haven’t talked in years.” Jamal leans against the counter, “That’s because I was well-aware you needed your space from me and I have a refusal policy for dating straight guys. I wanted to keep the two of us from getting hurt.” Jake scoffs, “I’m sure we wouldn’t have ended up dating.” Jamal smiles fondly, as if he’s thinking back over a memory, “I wanted us to.” Jake’s eyebrows raise as high as he thinks they can, gaining him an adorable laugh from Jamal, “You have this really friendly and trustworthy aura that surrounds you. As well as you’re really cute, I was only a sophomore when I was the T.A. but I remember having a crush on you. And you didn’t conceal your gazes at me well either, which only fed my fire.” He spills, “When we kissed, it was like something I had wanted to do for forever, but I knew after it was done you were gonna run away because you identified as straight. So I stayed away from you to avoid heartbreak.”

Jake feels like he got a glass of freezing water run over him after hearing Jamal’s revelation, as well as finding out that Jamal knew that Jake had a tiny crush on him. Jamal sighs deeply before continuing to talk, “That’s not what I want to talk to you about though, I’ve gotten over you, no offense. I wanted to talk to you about…your sexuality.” Jake body freezes up, “I like women Jamal.” The taller man walks closer to him carefully, “I know that, and I’m not disputing that. Have you ever considered that you might be bisexual though?” Jake deadpans him and deep down he knows the words he is about to say were a lie before they come out, “No man. I’m totally straight there’s no doubt about it.” Jamal rolls his eyes but looks at him like he has a deeper understanding, “Well, if you or your _sure-fire_ heterosexuality ever need to talk about something that involves questioning that, call me, as a friend.” He hands Jake a small slip of paper and turns and walks out but right before he leaves he turns, “Oh and by the way, there was _nothing_ straight about that kiss and you and I both know that damn well. Later Peralta.”

* * *

As soon as Jake gets back to his apartment, he opens his laptop and he searches, “Bisexuality.”

It’s like his entire earth just shifted around him.

He’d heard Rosa talk about being bisexual but he had never considered it to be an option for himself. He discovers that it’s the attraction to women and men, which is something he already knew, but he sees things like Biromantic and Bisexual and that there’s a difference between the two. As well as he sees that for you to be bisexual you don’t have to be 50% men and 50% women, it’s just having the attraction to both as well as that its not just the attraction to men and women but it's two or more gender attraction; no matter how big or small. He stays up all night and by the time the sun comes up, he’s spent at least an hour watching coming out videos on Youtube and reading articles about what it means to be bisexual. He also does research on other celebrities that are bisexual such as P!nk and the lead singer of Green Day, which is someone who Gina was obsessed with in her minor senior year emo phase. His mind is overflooded with all this information and he’s a little overwhelmed but the thing is, it’s in a joyous way, as if there’s this whole new part of his mind just revealed itself. He’s basically entranced with this overflow of realization until he hears his alarm sound for the day.

He has morning duty and he begins to process the fact that he’s been up all night and yet he doesn’t feel at all sleepy. He goes and washes his face and brushing his teeth and when he looks back at the mirror, he feels that this is a different person than the one he’d been looking at since the night he kissed Jamal.

He pulls out his phone and text Jamal a simple thank you to which he responds back with ‘anytime. don’t be afraid to be the you that you are. :)’

“I am bisexual.” He says to himself, and in that moment, he’s never felt freer. 

* * *

 

He’s not out to anyone but himself by the time he gets promoted to Detective at the nine-nine but he still feels happier than he had in years. He has Charles, his best friend who adores him and who he admittedly loved just as much back, Sergeant Jeffords who treats him like a son and who was also a _very_ nice sight for sore eyes, as well as Gina was there because their current captain was too drunk to even notice she whether or not was qualified for the job.

Jake was closeted but Jake was happy. Although that was getting hard to deal with as well. It had been a year since he came out to himself and he’d been much more focused and happy since, but it was starting to get draining to keep his typical Peralta-esque comments to himself when referring to men. Charles almost found out about it when a perp had continued to call him cute from the backseat of the car and Jake under his breath said, “If you weren’t a criminal I can’t say I wouldn’t be considering it.” and when Charles asked what he said, he immediately tried to recover with, “I said shut up back there dude. _Jeez_.”

He tried to continue to hide his comments about his attraction but it was getting harder and harder to keep himself under the guise of straightness. And this day a particular Gina Linetti caught him red-handed. He had been getting briefed by Terry about a shoplifting ring, but honestly, he wasn’t listening at all, because Terry was wearing a tighter than usual bright yellow shirt with black suspenders and black slacks and Jake never knew that a bumblebee aesthetic could look so _good._ Gina had secretly been keeping track of every time Jake would do something that wasn’t well, hetero, and the count started racking up almost as soon as she noticed. There was the one time this really hot member of the Cartel came in and smiled cockily at Jake and he couldn’t stop blushing for minutes, as well as when he had to interrogate a former gigolo to crack a case and he left out with his case file placed _very tightly_ around his promise land. But seeing how Jake was looking at Jeffords like he was the last drop of water on earth and he had been parched for centuries, Gina knew that there was something that her best friend wasn’t telling her and being the nosey icon she is, she was going to find out immediately.

She walked over to Jake, blatantly interrupting his and Terry’s conversation and neither one of them look happy about it but for _obvious_ contradictory reasons. “Hey Jake can I talk to you? Like now, it can’t wait.” She says and Terry looks at her slightly annoyed, “Don’t you see that I’m trying to catch him up on a case?” She scoffs, “And those criminals are still gonna be out there while you’re briefing him right now sweets. Let them have a little freedom before it’s stripped from them by Johnny Law okay? Jake?” He gets up and looks at Serg, “This shouldn’t take long. Give me like 10 minutes.” Terry shrugs and nods while Gina leads the way to the evidence locker and once she gets there immediately she’s going hard on him.

“What’s going on with you boo?” She says accusingly and Jake looks at her with that dumb confused face he has through 75% of their conversation and she groans, “The looks at Sergeant, you’ve been giving googly eyes ever since I’ve seen you working here and I know something’s up so what’s the deal? You’ve been tasting the rainbow or what?” Jake feels his pulse quicken because this is not what he expected, he thought she was going to ask about if Charles was an extra on Santa Claus 3: The Escape Claus as an elf or if he thought she could convince the Captain to let her get a year off again, not question his sexuality.

“Gina what are you talking about?” He says, “I haven’t looked at the Sergeant any different than the way I look at you or the captain.” She laughs, “Girl that’s bullshit. I’ve known you since we were fresh out the womb. I know the way you look at somebody when you’re attracted to them. Be real with me.” He takes a deep breath and looks her in eyes and he knows that this is Gina, Gina who he’s known all his life and frankly trust with his life no matter how bonkers she can sound, Gina who he loves unconditionally, Gina who isn’t even straight herself. He can do this, he can come out to her.

“I’m bisexual.” He says and Gina’s expression doesn’t change for a few seconds and those seconds feel like years to him until she finally speaks up, “Okay. Why didn’t you tell me before?” He shrugs and sits down on the bench, “I was scared, I still am. This is all relatively new for me.” She nods in understanding, “If you ever need to talk to me about it, you know you can, right?  I’ve been through the phase of having to come out as pansexual which people don’t even think is a thing, for years. Once you start coming out it’ll be easier though.” He smiles at her shyly, “Thanks Gina. I love you.” She hugs him, “I love you too. And I’m proud of you.”

* * *

 

He’s been at the Precinct for a few years now and he’s came out to everyone in the bullpen, including new but old squad member, Amy Santiago: The Prettiest Professional Pain in the Ass he’s ever met, and his old partner and very close friend, Rosa Diaz. The squad was wildly accepting of it, including Scully and Hitchcock, which surprised him because of the generation they grew up in, but they accepted him with open arms. No one within the Precinct had been getting swapped out, but the Captains constantly were, which meant eventually having to come out to the new leaders over and over again. That is until Captain Raymond Holt waltz into their home, demanding everyone wear ties and having immaculate paperwork, and being the first openly gay cop that he realizes that this was going to be the last captain he’d ever have to come out to because he was simply, the perfect captain.

Everyone in the nine-nine noticed their bond, no matter how much the both of them tried to disregard it, but it isn’t until that fateful day in which Jake says, ‘Thanks Dad’, that the previously assumed closeness had been solidified. Later that day, Captain Holt calls Jake into his office and Jake is already trying to explain his way out of situation. “Look, I know I made a mistake in Fulmer case where I said he pulled a firearm instead of he pulled the fire alarm but I promise I was gonna tell you about that later.” The captain gives him his usual blank stare and speaks, “That has nothing to with what I’m about to speak to you about.” Jake squints in thought, “Is this about the cold cases I hid in Hitchcock’s desk?” Holt sighs, “No and I suggest you stop talking until I tell you what the subject matter is.” The boy nods, “Right right. What’s up.” He clears his throat, “This is about you calling me Dad earlier. If it doesn’t bother you to answer, may I ask why?” Jake eyes widen and he gets slightly uncomfortable, “I mean, I don’t know it just sort of slipped.” Captain nods but even though he’s showing barely any emotion you can tell he doesn’t believe that’s the full story, “So you just accidentally called me dad, even though you constantly talk about your issues with your father-“

“Hey I do not _constantly_ talk about it.” Jake interrupts and Holt immediately continues speaking, “and you always speak ill of him but you just so happened to call me Dad and you think I’m going to believe that?” Jake looks at him in the eye briefly before nervously beginning to grip the chair he’s in, “I just, you’re just, you care like I always wish my dad did. Even with how you’ll put me on file duty sometimes, you reprimand me because you _expect_ more out of me, you treat me like I always wish my dad had done.” He can tell that he’s starting to get emotional but Jake knows that if he doesn’t get it out now he might never, “You’re brave. You’re brave enough to look the world in the face and say ‘I’m gay and nothing you do will change that’. You are brave enough to be yourself and my real dad wasn’t even brave enough to take care of his child.” His voice cracks at the end and Holt can feel his heart swell in just a want to protect and Jake continues, “You make me wanna be brave. I look at you and what you’ve went through and it makes me want to be brave enough to look the world square in the face and be like, ‘I’m bisexual. Deal with it.’ I look up to you the way I used to look up to my dad and I’ve thought of you like that for a while, it just, sort of came out today. Sorry if it bothered you, I won’t do it again sir.” He says and starts to walk towards the door but before he can walk out, Holt stands up and gets his attention, “Peralta.” He swiftly turns around, his eyes wet with unshed tears and Holt walks over to him and pulls him into a tight hug. Holt can feel the wetness from Jake’s tears on his shirt and he pulls away from him enough to give him direct eye contact. “Listen to me Jacob, I am so incredibly proud of you to be able to tell me that you are bisexual. That in itself is so much braver than you think it is. Also I am honored to be the one that you see as your father figure. Your real dad lost out on a treasure because you are one in a million, Son.” Jake starts to cry again and Holt pulls him back into his chest and just stands there and holds him for a minute. Jake notices that he never verbally said that he loved him or vice versa, but with what just happened, he knows that they still did.

* * *

 

Jake and Amy had been ‘JakeandAmy’ for about seven months and Jake hasn’t ever been happier in his entire life. He has the person of his dreams by his side, an amazing Dad, and a family that loves and accepts him for everything and all that he is, The Nine-Nine. Now there’s only one piece that’s missing: His mom.

Jake’s mom had always been one of the most important people in his life and he loved her more than words could say. He knew that she had no prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community and that she loved him and nothing was ever going to change that, but you never knew how your family was going to react to news like this until they did. That’s what scared Jake, he’d heard so many coming out stories about how they had always had loving supporting parents until they revealed that they weren’t of the perceived natural standard and then they flipped the script on them, some going as far to completely disown their own children. Jake mom obsessed about the lesbians who lived across the street like they were celebrities but he just couldn’t let himself be sure, but he knew he couldn’t hide it from her anymore. He was going to tell her this weekend for a surprise visit and Amy, being the amazing girlfriend she is, was going to come along for positive reaffirmation and moral support. “Remember that I’m going to be here the entire time. Don’t ever feel like you’re a mistake, confused, or invalid, because you are more than enough. Be proud to be the badass bisexual that you are. Whatever you need I’m here.” Amy says very quickly as they stand at his mom’s front door hand-in-hand and he smiles at her, “I love you.” She kisses him quickly on the lips and smiles fondly, “I love you too. You can do this.” She finishes as the door opens and reveals Karen Peralta and Jake feels himself begin to sweat as he reaches out to hug her, “Hey Ma, I love you.” She laughs jubilantly, breaking the hug to kiss his cheeks to which he blushes brightly, “Oh I love you too my Babyboy! I’m so glad you came! Hi Amy, how are you sweetie?” She smiles overly bright in a typical wanting to impress Santiago way, “I’m over the moon.”

His mom opens the door wide, “Well don’t just stand out there looking silly, come in, I’ll make some tea.” Jake shakes his head, “No, Ma it’s fine.” But she waves them off and points them towards the couch and Amy gives Jake’s hand a squeeze and he nervously smiles at her and she looks at him reassuringly and mouths ‘I love you’ to him which he returns as his mom enters back into the den.

“Well what brought you guys here?” She says handing them the two cups and Jake looks at Amy, slightly terrified and she nods and he turns back to his mom, “I wanted to tell you something, and it’s not the kind of thing I just wanted to call you over the phone and tell you.” His mom goes wide eyed, “Oh God, are you two expecting? I mean I’m nothing if not ecstatic but it’s a little early and gosh do you all even have the tim-“, He shushes her playfully and places his hands on top of hers, “No Amy’s not pregnant. It’s nothing like that, it’s way more direct towards me and personal.” She nods and takes a breath of relief, “Well that’s nothing I can’t handle. What’s going on?”

He looks to Amy one more time with a look in his eyes that says, ‘this is possibly the last moment I’ll be able to sit in a room and talk to my mom like this’ and she looks at him with an intensity that can’t even be described with something as simple as love and turns back to his mom.

“Mom, I’m bisexual.” He says and he feels his chest tighten up and his mom smiles almost immediately, “Oh _honey_ , you think I didn’t know that?” She says and both Amy and Jake’s jaws drop and his mother just begins laughing, “Jake, I’ve known that you weren’t straight since high school. I would see the way sometimes you would linger on guys the same way you’d linger on girls and I know you didn’t notice it, but I did a long time ago.”

Jake is rendered speechless and he just looks at his mom in amazement, “So you’re not mad or anything?” She looks at him like he’s grown a second head, “Angry? I’m anything but, I’m proud of you for being able to finally feel comfortable enough to be honest with who you are. I’m even happier knowing that you’re with someone who loves you not in spite of your sexuality but along with your sexuality. I know this wasn’t easy for you to do and I love you more than I love anything in this entire world. There’s no way in hell I could ever be mad at you for being who you are.”

Jake looks at her with tears in his eyes and hugs her as tight as he can and he’s almost positive he’s holding her tighter. And in this moment Jake knew that all that bullshit he went through on the pathway of discovery who he is, through the suppression, the long nights, the constant confusion, the crying, the happiness, and everything in between, was worth it to get to the place he was now.

Jake Peralta loved himself, Jake Peralta knew he was, and Jake Peralta was happy.

Jake Peralta was an out, _badass_ bisexual, and nothing anyone could ever say or do would ever make him, doubt or be uncomfortable with himself ever again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't not put my contributions in for my favorite headcanon. hope u guys enjoyed this big gay mess, let me know if you did on twitter (@iispalec) and tumblr (@darrenchristsupastar) thx for reading


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